I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
