I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
