What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It's just like the Real World with babies
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
