We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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