Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
