So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
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