quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
