haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
