He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
