I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
