you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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