HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
