My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
