She announced her abortion via fbk
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
