On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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