my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize