I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
