oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
FUCK WHALES
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