Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
