Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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