It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
