is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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