Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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