So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
