This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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