you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
