this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
