I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
