She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
