Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm at about main and main street
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize