I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
