Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
