everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
