haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My ass is underappreciated
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
