my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
