Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize