Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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