watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
