I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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