I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Plan B is the new Plan A
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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