i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
