Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
