if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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