did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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