After last night, I could never be a politician.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
