Your mouth is God's brothel.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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