Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
