And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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