i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
