i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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