You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
