What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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