i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
