And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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