Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
