I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I will pee on everything he values.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
