Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Terrible idea I love it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
