some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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