Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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