apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
