I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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