i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
