1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
there is glitter all over my balls
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