He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize