Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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