if you like me you must not know who I am
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
