I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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