Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
