yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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