margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize