they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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