I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
