At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
